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Concealed Feelings by Aarya Gupta

Sometimes it’s quite difficult to express yourself in words. It usually happens that in the process of finding those words, we get lost. So, I am here to get lost. I am here to talk about my concealed feelings. There are some feelings which you cannot hear in all the chaos; you need to be in the constant search for peace, your inner peace. I’ve seen people wandering around in search for it. But I think these people are going the wrong way, “they’re searching their inner peace in this materialistic world”, where finding your inner peace is like hoping for a ray of light in a completely isolated room.

I guess I’ve pushed myself into a journey which has no end. I am on a journey with no map. There’s just one map, and it is in god’s hands. Let’s explore, not the world but ourselves. From the last three years, I am on the same journey but with an undecided destination. So, let’s start my journey of concealed feelings. The first thing that my journey is about is all the heartbreaks, betrayals and the pain that I’ve felt. There are plenty of holes in my heart made by the people who wanted to suppress me down and never wanted to see me rise. I was told to be strong by all of them when I faced any difficulty, but no one taught me how to handle myself when there’s no one left by my side. I was left to feel lonely and broken. It felt like my world was falling apart. I was trying to hold on to the people who were not even interested in being with me. Soon, I realised they were just not the right people. I was begging to god to forgive me for all my sins. I was begging to the older me to come back. The second thing, it was the time when I was introduced to new faces. At first, I wanted to trust them but the broken pieces were not ready to be broken again. It took me like forever to build up that courage to trust others. I am really thankful for all the people who helped me. They not only helped me built my trust and courage, but also made me love myself again. I am in love with the new me, yes I do miss my older self for her innocence but nowadays innocence is another name of foolishness. The third thing is my journey of getting back on my feet again. My healing process is going on and it will definitely take more time but now I am loving people around me. This time I am not expecting anything, I am just going with the flow. I am excited for what is waiting ahead for me but a little scared too. It feels so good to be yourself again. I really admire my company now. I still see many faces that broke me but this time they are not having a piece of trust, love and belief with them. I have started to love myself and will never stop to do so. At last, “Time won’t make you forget, it will make you grow and understand things.”

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